Thoughts for Thursday: Leaving the Nest

Its been such a long time since I posted a TFT, just too much going on most weeks! I have been meaning to post about "Leaving the Nest" for some time now and I am not even sure how to begin, but let's see.....

At some point all children must grow up and become independent and try the world on their own.... you know, leave the nest.  Is everyone ready to leave that nest at the same time or at the same age? Of course not.  There are a number of different reasons in which adult children might continue living with their parents. 

When I was 18, I moved away to college.  I lived in the dorms for a year and then shared an apartment with some amazing roommates for an additional two years.  During this time I still somewhat considered my parents' house "home" because it was the house I grew up in and I still had a room and a bed.  I moved to Arizona during the fall of my senior year of college and came back to MN in the spring to graduate.  Some of my friends were still living at home at this point, but many also lived in apartments.  I was 22 years old, a new college graduate and starting to get involved in a romantic relationship with a wonderful guy.  The last thing in a million years that I wanted to do was live at home with my parents.  I was finally an adult!! So I moved into an apartment that summer and never looked back.  My parents raised my brothers and I to be independent and I think they expected us to be on our own once we finished college.  In fact, the day after I moved out of my parents' house at age 22, my dad turned my old bedroom into his home office.  There was nowhere for me to go if I decided I wanted to come back home (which I never did).  I lived in two apartments before I bought my own home (new construction) when I was just 24.  Have I ever regretted leaving the nest when I did? Absolutely not! I know I would be practically rich if I hadn't had to pay my mortgage for the past 8 years (oh, and all the places I could've traveled), but I wouldn't trade my independence.

So I guess my questions for you are..... How old were you when you left the nest? Did you ever move back home after being on your own for a period of time?  When/why were you finally ready to move out?  What do you think is a reasonable age to expect adult children to leave the nest? How do you view adult children who still live at home?

Thanks for sharing your experiences with me :)

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Other TFT posts this week:

Steph on what you want to be when you grow up

Comments

[Steph]

Great TFT! I had just turned 18 when I moved out of my parents' house to go to university (2.5 hours from where my parents live). I lived in various appartments with roomates, and boyfriends up until last year. We moved to France for a year, decided to come back at the end of March and we are now living with my in-laws (temporarily!!!!). My brother moved out of my parents' house when he was 17 or 18 to live with his girlfriend out of her parents' house. And it seems that most of my friends did what I did, moved right after graduation to go to college or university.

Looking back, I think I was pretty young to move out of my parents' house and live on my own. But I made out great, and I loved every bit of it... having my own privacy, doing what I wanted when I wanted to do it. It was hard, but I learned lots of things by living on my own.

For the young adults still living at their parents, I can understand it somehow... you get to save money and what not, and I have nothing against it. But I personally could not do it. I need my privacy, I need my alone time and I just need to have my own life.

[Muriel]

I never went back home after college. I think it was just the natural progression college, job, and along the way moving towards total independence.

I don't want my child to feel like she has to leave or I don't want her in the house after 18, but I would like her to want to move away from home and have new experiences.

Actually buying her own place will take more sacrifice and frugality on her part.

[kaye]

I went from my mom's nest to my own nest. Right now I am facing having my youngest graduate from high school next week. She wants to "fly the nest" so bad. She is going to college here but she wants to get an apartment. I've had kids under my feet for so long that I'm not looking forward to my last leaving home.

[LeeAnn Howard]

I still lived at home during my first 2 years at the community college. Then I moved 1 hour away to go to a university and lived in an apartment there.

[Dana Leigh]

I moved out of my parents house 10 days before high school graduation when I was 18. Because of boyfriend/roommates drama, I was back in my parent's house at 19 and stayed there until I was 23 when I moved out permanently. I think there should be a cut off when parents should no longer let their adult kids live there. I'll say that number is 25 years old at the most. If you would have asked me a few years ago, I would have said younger but because of the economy, I am giving them the benefit of the doubt. If parents allow their kids to stay there any later than they truly need to be there, they are just facilitating them to not become responsible adults in so many aspects of life.

[denise]

I moved out at 18 to go to college and I have been on my own since..I have never looked back. Now I am married and 2 girls of my own. I think kids need to get out on their own and face the "real world" it makes for responsible young adults.